2003-09-07 - 5:56 p.m.

I just got home from the service for Jimmy's Dad. It was a Buddhist ceremony and very different from any I'd ever been to. I thought it was a nice way to say goodbye. There was no body present and there was a lot of chanting. I was really impressed with the chanting for some reason. It was really calming for me in a way, I know Terri didn't think so. There was a point when we weren't sure if we should get up and participate in the offering of incense, but in the end we all did. I was fine until we walked away from the incense table and saw Jimmy. He stood up and hugged Calvin and Laura , thanked them for coming and told Calvin he'd see him Monday. Then it was my turn. I haven't seen Jimmy since I was laid off. He hugged me really tight and told me he loved me. I lost it. It was completely unexpected and the tears came. I don't know what it is about people telling me they love me lately, but when they say it with their hearts like that, it just busts me up. I know everyone was wondering what he had said to me to bring about such a reaction, but I knew if I got into it right then, I might not stop crying.

I was glad that Terri picked me up and we went together. I was also happy that we arrived at the same time Calvin and Laura did so we all sat together. It was a nice, little support system for each other and for Jimmy.

Jimmy's brother-in-law delivered the eulogy. It was moving and even funny at times, but my favorite part was the poem he wrote for his own father and for his father-in-law about "living from the heart". Jimmy and his siblings spoke and so did one of his cousins. My heart goes out to all of them.

When Jimmy spoke he mentioned how close his little daughter, Sarah, was with her grandfather. We found out later, when it was his sisters turn to speak, that he was laying on the floor cuddling with her when he passed away.

Someone after that said that the way you leave this world is the way you start the next. This was the only thing I had a problem with. My eyes were stinging with tears because I hope, upon all hope, that is not true. It is fine and good for the people who get to go out like Jimmy's dad did. Peaceful, surrounded by loved ones. But what about my Mom? Scared and in pain until they drugged her up so much she didn't know what was going on and surrounded by strangers and bright lights? What about people who die horribly by accident or foul play? What about them? No, I hope that statement is not true.

When the ceremony was over everybody gave everybody hugs and kisses goodbye. I got to talk to Jimmy again before we left and he said it again...I cried...again.

Where I've Been. - What's Next.