2007-09-28 - 7:58 p.m.

I rarely think about him anymore. He'll cross my mind now and again if I find something that belonged to him or when I hear a song he used to sing and dance to around our home. I think of him when I smell his cologne in the middle of a department store.

Like I did today. It was really strange how I was immediately transported back to the first Christmas we spent together. That Christmas was a horrible, awful time and in that store today, that pain instantly resurfaced.

I understand that scent is said to be the strongest tie to memories. It makes sense that he would come to mind when I smelled his cologne. But what I can't figure out is why it hurt again. He hasn't been able to hurt me in almost 10 years now.

Thinking about it now, I'm pretty certain some feelings that currently have me turned inside out just got all jumbled when the memories of that horrible Christmas ambushed me.

He's not the one I'm sad about.

Where I've Been. - What's Next.