Saturday, Jan. 19, 2008 - 11:33 am

I am a sentimental person. My friends mean the world to me. I keep in touch and I hang onto the people I care about tightly.

However, even I amaze myself with my ability to turn my feelings off. It's not like when people say "I'm not going to hang around this person anymore" and inside they are dying to do just that. I HAVE done this before but for very different reasons. What I'm referring to here is when I've reached a point with someone where the relationship is beyond redemption or repair.

John, Kim and Chris are the first names that come to mind. Those were big relationships that I tried and tried to continue. Then one day I said 'no more' and flipped the switch. And that is exactly how it seems to happen. It's not a gradual thing. It's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing.

SNAP!

I'm over it.

Some folks that have been on the recieving end continue to think that it was just that one thing they did that made me turn my back on them. If they even realize they did anything at all.

Kim played the role of the martyr to a mutual friend of ours many years ago and said that she just doesn't know why I gave up on our friendship the way I did. I don't even have the time or energy to go into why that statement is hilarious to me.

John knew what he had done and tried in his fucked up way to make amends but it was far too late and the thing that finally made me snap was, in my opinion, unforgiveable.

Chris will always think that the last thing he did was the thing I ended our friendship over. He will never know that it was 25 years of inconsiderate, selfish things just like it put the nail in the coffin, as they say. He has called to apologize, but I don't answer. He had the opportunity to apologize face to face, but chose to stay out of my way the entire evening. This doesn't surprise me and he can no longer disappoint me.

I was looking through old pictures that used to make me smile. They no longer do. Some of those smiling faces used to stir things in my heart when I would look at them and now...they don't.

Where I've Been. - What's Next.